A black hole

Shashi Kant Jha, psychiatrist

When you are very depressed, it will feel as though you have ended up in a black hole. You will feel that you will never get out of the hole. In fact, you may be convinced that you will never recover, even if you have had periods of depression before and have recovered. If you are suffering from depression, you will look at everything in an unrealistically pessimistic way.

Sadness will swallow everything up. You cannot see any pleasure in anything. You might be starting to criticise yourself because you are no longer experiencing warm feelings for your spouse, children and/or grandchildren. You start to question your own abilities. Suddenly, you begin to doubt whether you can do things that you used to do without even thinking about them. Your self-confidence can take a serious knock.

Sleeping badly

You might start to sleep badly. You might have difficulty getting to sleep. You might find that you wake up one or more hours earlier than you normally do and can't get back to sleep again. You lie in bed speculating about all the negative things you can think about.

You may therefore be

• incredibly tired
• lacking in energy and unable to cope with basic tasks in your everyday life
• unable to concentrate, which can among other things cause you to find it difficult to read or do other things you used to do. Poor concentration can make you feel as though you are experiencing memory loss.

Perhaps you have lost your interest in food and feel that food doesn't taste like it used to. Sometimes people completely lose the will to eat, which might make you loose weight as a result.

Read more about the symptoms of depression here.

Not your fault

Perhaps you are starting to wonder whether it is your fault that you are not feeling well. In some people, this can be a common thought. But you must understand that it is NOT your fault that you are suffering from depression. It is also not your fault if you get diabetes.

Outwardly you can be the happiest person on earth. Yet if the chemical balance in your brain is disturbed, you can still get depression.

You might start to think that your family would be better off without you and that it would be better if you didn't wake up tomorrow. If you have severe depression, even more severe self-destructive thoughts may race through your mind. If your self-destructive thoughts start to become intrusive and lasting, you should contact your nearest psychiatric casualty department immediately. The doctor may decide that it would be better for you if you were admitted.

Tell people about it

You must remember that you are not the only person to suffer from depression. You may nevertheless feel that you are the only person in the world who is suffering from depression when you hit rock bottom. It is important that you tell those closest to you that you are suffering from depression. It will help them to understand your reactions and support and help you.

As well as your spouse, you should also tell your older children that you are suffering from depression. We advise you to tell them that you are not the "old you" at the moment. They should for example know that you still love them, but that you do not have the energy to express your feelings at the moment.

Most psychiatric departments offer group sessions for relatives. There are also patient associations, which can provide support, guidance and information.